What interested me today.

The weather was nice, typical late June in Sofia, warm, a tad cloudy, a bit windy. Made me remember many other days of summer just like this one. In one of them I asked a complete stranger, a sexy girl, for her number (and she actually gave it to me. (I was as surprised she gave it to me as she was for being asked about it!)  I should go out more..), in another I was five-ten years old in the countryside and running through the fields of slightly burned by the sun grass, chasing butterflies, swimming, cycling, summer is definitely a great time (can't say anything bad about winter either).

This 'article' will be slightly different than the ones before, consciously cutting down on the questions and focusing on stuff that have happened rather than stuff that are yet to happen. Basically my introduction as a (blog)'host'.
I've always been drawn to the unknown, stuff that move, stuff I haven't 'studied' (fist hand). All that curiosity has left me with some second degree burns (and a plastic surgery) and numerous cuts, burns, bruises and what not on my left index finger. If I had the chance to go back I wouldn't undo any of them though. Those are the 'medals' I've earned from walking through life. There's a popular saying "While walking through life we leave our footprint on it" well life left it's footprint on me too.

When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back into you.

 Just recently a forum at which I've met some great people closed it's doors forever ((the ex) Anime World on zetaboards) I'm still slightly bitter about it.. (didn't even get a warning from the admin).
Somehow I always end up feeling bad about strange stuff.  There was also this one time when my mother brought me a keychain from her first visit to Bruksel a figure of this guy, I broke his head off by accident like the moment she gave it to me, cried like a baby, still can't forgive myself. I'm able to develop extraordinary emotional attachment on first sight, not just objects, people too. (Some might categorize this as falling in love at first sight). The result, as far as it is people, inadequate sense for emotional distance and sometimes social awkwardness. But even so I don't think of it as a bad thing. Falling in love, can't be a bad, right?

Oups, started with the questions again.. better wrap this up before it gets worse.
As long as something smells appetizing I will at least try it. I'm no particularly big on sports and even less on watching them. Didn't even know it was the football world cup year until I saw the Google logo and a 9GAG post about it...
That doesn't mean I don't like moving my body though, in fact swimming, cycling, skating, rollerblading, badminton, (sex), all great ways to move around.
Also in general games are attractive, but FPSs not so much, (a lot less to learn from them than most other games), mind games, word games, computer games, 'classic' games, puzzles, tabletop games, (adult games), all fun. The more thought have been put into making them the better, the more you have to think when playing them the more it contributes to the amount of fun you're having while playing them, chess is different though, not big on chess, zero-sum games are not that much fun without a good idea of what you wanna accomplish by winning it. Well zero-sum games do develop a certain part of the brain so in that regard they're as good as any other game too (chess is the only zero-sum game I can't enjoy to be honest, maybe I just haven't met the right opponent yet (someone who would make me want to play chess (and win (cause playing without winning is pointless (giving up without winning just as much, so if you start playing - win))))).

When thinking of how to describe the current post 'random' comes to mind. The type of random associated with human thought - pseudo-random. Today, a few days after I watched Sakusama no Pathema, I was lead into thinking about how to live without a reason to stay alive, a meaningless existence. In that regard I remembered reading something about what means to be human, according to my memories it was "To ask questions, to stumble and fall, but still stand up again, to try hard when everyone else has given up...". I might be taking it out of context or twisting it unintentionally, because I can't even remember where it's form, but assuming I've remembered it correctly, we stand up only for the meaning/reasons we've decided ourselves, pushing forward like idiots. Assuming our meaningless existence is doesn't need to have a meaning, like Agent Smith said:

Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose...It’s pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?

What has value, in a world where everything is the same, some atoms, grouped in a way defined as life. Emotions explainable by the math and physics invented by the same lumps of matter that have defined those emotions? Science, religion, feelings, moral values...One person, one point of view, but what's the point. Why keep pushing forward, is there something beyond the horizon that's better than what we already have? Is there something we could possibly want we can't already have? Why's survival so important? What's left if you take that out, not much, right? Everyone, having a unique view of life, yet following the same rules as everybody else. A personal truth is required to continue existing. A light to shine the path one will walk, a light to brighten up the darkness that is existence. A truth that's immutable, that is forever, and it is at least one. Living a life, on a borrowed energy we don't need to return. Continuous existence with a beginning and an end. Expending that energy as we go, leading to the end most of us are all afraid.
Assuming we're able to do anything we want, why are we not doing that? Endless potential. Are we afraid? Of responsibility? Of power? Or maybe even of ourselves? Dreams, wishes, desires, the twenty first century doesn't have many of those, they've been substituted, altered with ambitions, material possessions, building walls of money around us. Don't we want to survive to be with others? To be together? To share experiences? Well I guess not everyone does.
According to a certain group of people, the (human) language is both allowing and limiting us to think in a certain way, not being able to think in any different way, in a similar way to how you can't spend some money and use the same money again later.
Well, these are the thoughts of a man without an idea what he's talking about, what should or should not, what's right and what's wrong. Words have power, but how we use that power, the power to create happiness, to ... end this post in a way that would satisfy everyone? Naah, I don't believe such words exist, people are different, too different for some words to be able to satisfy all of them. So, I'll leave it you, the readers, to pick the right words to complete this post.

Beggars can't be chosers.

Its been some time since my last entry. There were some passing thoughts about what should I post, but nothing even noteworthy. Also if I were to talk about politics, wars or some other all-about-the-people stuff I'd probably get the need to puke. Never been the type of person to think or talk like a politician or a general. Though I admit we could sound similar. The difference is while politicians make promises they fail to fulfill, I don't make them in the first place, while generals try to omit the fact it's people they're commanding and they themselves are such, I try to embrace that fact and understand just for myself what and why people are thinking. Just so I'd be able to understand those people and live in harmony with them.
Many have said I'm hard to understand, strange, air head, brainless or even stupid, the truth is I don't know if I should agree with them or not. Are they right? What if they are? Is there a way to extract the truth from their words, from my words? And what is truth? Isn't that something subjective and something everyone has a different version of? How do people coexists with so many different truths?
A long time ago I've arrived at a simple truth - There are all kinds of people. And I love them all. Doesn't matter what you think. It's neither right or wrong. It's simply your opinion. I can chose to follow an idea or discard it if it doesn't suit me. That simple truth set me free from what I thought it's a prison up to that point. When you see everything for what it is, what could be and what's not at the same time you start to feel like everything is possible, but that's wrong. You that wasn't the case. You've always been able to change things and just didn't realize you got the power to do it. Those who believe in themselves are able to do it, so, just like them, believe and simply do it!
A world of piece is a world of harmony. That's a world full of beauty, a world of love. If we love, we're loved. If we give, we feel good. This is probably starting to sound like a sect or a religious belief so I'd better end it at this. Though I should explain at least the reason behind writing all of this. You see there was this girl, who arrived at the same conclusion i.e. 'People are the best thing in my life'. Later it turned out we have quite and when I say that I mean totally different starting points. For example I started from 'What do I want to do to make my life better?' while she started from 'I want to save the world.' (quite impressive don't you think?). But somehow both of those led us two to 'I love the people'. My reason is obvious 'If I love them, we'll get together and everyone will benefit from that' while hers was something like 'I want to save the world, because it has the people I like, but those have people they like too and so on the world is like a big family' or something like that, honestly I got it the first time, but then the exact words kinda washed away and only the meaning was left, so right now I'm making due with what I've left.

I started posting as means of interactive communication with myself and my subconscious. Writing down thoughts, reading them, correcting myself and possibly getting feedback from the ones reading this. I won't deny the fact I was hoping for this to become something like a secluded paradise in the sea of the Internet like those islands in the real word where no human has ever been before. If this blog were to get a life on its own I'd be truly happy. Just like life is initially spawned from a single cell. I was hoping to witness the beginning of something incredible. To be at the epicenter of events leading to the birth of greatness.
I'm not sure I know what I'm talking about, but it definitely sounds cool in my head. Ain't it cool how words with no meaning become alive when thrown together and mingled to fit some basic rules? Ain't that what life is like too? Atoms scattered throughout space, grouping in time, to produce what we're calling 'life'?

An anomaly, a glitch, a bug

          Several days had passed after I got dumped. And then I made her angry for one last time and got blocked from her life. I can't see any common sense in never talking to one you dedicated 2 years of your life. It kinda makes me mad just thinking about it. In addition I have trouble pinpointing the reason behind the rage that's burning inside of my mind, every time the thought of kicking out anybody from ones life, crosses my mind. I don't know how to deal with it. Ignoring doesn't work. Thinking doesn't work. I don't even know what's the problem. It doesn't sit with me well at all. Not anyone thinking they can turn their back to their past, to another person and to the universe, and refuse to see what's in front of them. And not the reality I'm experiencing. My biggest fear - not to understand myself and the things around me. My greatest joy - sharing my thoughts and being accepted for them and everything else.
            Thinking back I have gone through a metamorphosis from disorganized and not to be relied on to a chaotic form of disorganization and I've become a tad more responsible. This insight came to me while I was failing to execute my plans for the last time I hope. While I'm not good with the obvious and unwritten rules and rules in general. I've proven to myself I do well with taking the best parts from every situation and incorporate it in me and the way I treat/see the world around me. When I say parts it is usually a combination of things which if done in the right order bring something good and make life better for the one who does them. But I suspect if someone else succeeds in taking the idea and makes it a reality his or hers intelligence must be above average. Balancing between the inner and the outer world in a way that doesn't damage the other one is not an easy task and should not be ignored. Still I really can't figure what my next step toward inner piece should be. Reaching a consensus with my ex on something has proven impossible for me. She may be empathic and sensitive to other people but for two year she understood nothing of me and I barely scratched the surface in the sense of understanding her. I know I'm not your average guy, but still am I that alien to everything human or just some people?

Opinions

I'm either very lucky or very unlucky. I'll stick with the first for now. It seems finding a girlfriend fast is a big bad thing in the eyes of most of the girls and they are not even my exes. According to my inner self it's a good thing ,not to get hung up on a melancholic thought, but continue living my time on this rock to the fullest. My mother said something like "You got over her pretty fast". I'm not really sure thats the case. I haven't been rushing anywhere. Things are just the way they are, nothing more nothing less. I feel fine so does the universe around me. We've been talking recently. I asked for a promotion. From my point of view as a main character in this love comedy I must say it is not very tempting to proceed as some girls see my life should be. Even if they are friends. They say 'That's too fast' or 'You can't decide if *insert_name_here* is right for you so soon. And i say in response 'Why not?'. Looks like i really love this answer. I'm using it in most situations in wich I have something I dislike, not as an escape method, but as a weapon to fight myself in the battle to mold myself in a better person. I consider myself a positive. That helps a bit when i start thinking 'Should I sulk now?'. I mostly accept no other opinions on how should I live my life other than my own. Lying is bad?! Screw that! I won't lie! That's the spirit! I'm not really sure which one of those two pairs should be a cornerstone in my character and thats why I'll be truth to myself and do both. Lie when needed tell the truth the rest of the time. Although this is almost the whole  badness I can get from lying and almost none of the pluses of telling the truth... maybe I'll tell only the truth. Yeah that sounds better. It may seem harsh or unpleasant to the others at first, but as soon as I start reaping the benefits of telling no lies, I will remember why am I doing that. And after all "Honesty Is the best policy." no second opinions about that.

I figure...

I get judged by the community on daily basis. It's really not my thing. Talking with me fine, judging - not fine. Why do I have to account myself for the things that I do. Things that are not against the law I mean. I'm socially awkward but so are most of the people when put with someone who they don't match up with well. I think we should be free to think and do everything we can, not confined by rules. With the exception of those involving physically or mentally harming someone (for the later only continuously). If my behavior contradicts to their beliefs that's not something for me to feel uneasy about. As far as I know I live in a free country where I can speak up my opinion whenever I want and do most of the things I come up with.

What?!

What do people actually do? They walk, they talk, they work, have fun, kids, do drugs, but is that all, don't people do something interesting too. The question of what's interesting comes to mind? If being happy isn't enough anymore? If doing whatever someone wants is not fulfilling and anything else is even worse? What can a person lost his way of living do in a situation like this?

Not really sure...

I'm not really sure what a blog is all about, but using/making one should be able to teach me. Be it a digital diary or a record of my thoughts.

Recently there aren't many new things I can experience. It's like I've seen the big things in life and now there are only small and/or complicated stuff left. Sometimes when I go out it happens to come across something new, never seen before, but it's not an everyday thing anymore. It makes me sad and a bit nostalgic about the time when i was little and everything was new and exciting. The only world left unexplored by my is the virtual one. Here any person can find what they are searching for, If their IQ is high enough. It's more challenging to find something you are not searching for. Like searching for excitement and actually find some. Google helps. A lot. Not really that much, but at least a bit. Okay, maybe 50%, I don't know...I think against every interesting thing  I've found online there are at least two more the existence of which I've learned from a friend. The web is great place and the people there are usually awesome. They are smart, slow, foreigns, aliens, fans and many other things, but there is aways a combo breaker out there to live you with a bad taste in the end of your great day... That's it for now. Cya later. (5)

Turning a neighbours wi-fi router into a repeater

I have a wi-fi router in range, it's unused and unsecured and I'm planning to turn it into a repeater if possible. It's like an empty fridge anyway so they can only gain from my plan. I get to choose which network it "repeats" so it's a win-win. I'm not really sure it is possible but I'm researching the topic. I bet there is a piece of software out there to help me achieve that or at least an article explaining why not. My only concern is I'll need physical access or being directly connected to the router. But I'm gonna try anyway. Wish me luck!

P.S. Any of you know any way to determine the physical location of a router or AP without some form of GPS?

First Topic - What should a person do when he/she doesn't know what they want?

On a 2nd thought...

I don't think anyone would be interested in a heated discussion in a blog... so maybe the first idea wasn't that bright. I'll try just reflecting my thoughts to the web and check up the feedback :) maybe if I get a webcam I could start vloging too...

So far i got "We think we're more attractive than we really are.", "People only think they know what they want." and of course "There is never enough time.". 

I'm interested in what could make a person more appealing to the others in terms of social skills and such. If we assume everyone else around us is just as us an unknown variable, what is the magic that makes some people talk more to other people and I'm certain it is not interests :D ...

Re: Let's hit it off with a short history

I had a bit of trouble naming this blog. It seems most of the cool ones out there are already taken or gay or was that that cool guys? The idea behind this waste of space is so We (meaning me, everyone who might like me (for some reason) and everyone else (possibly)) can have fun. I'll write sometimes random stuff, sometimes in response to someones comment. Lets keep it bright and enjoyable so everybody can join.